I haven't really done a blog about my life (besides posting a few poems) in quite a while......
I am now double majoring in both History and Sociology (though the online system at the university I attend still shows History Major and Sociology Minor. I handed in another major change slip, so hopefully that will work.)
I was at university for History Major, Sociology minor, hoping to get into the secondary education program. But, more and more, I realize that I just can't see myself there. For one thing, I really feel being Pagan would be a major problem with being in highscool (especially with parental involvement.) I also feel I am so sensitive that I would be crying and/or screaming on a constant basis. And, while my history grades aren't bad, the website says you should expect a 3.4 minimum to get in (I have a 3.2 in history. I may retake one class if possible in summer to raise it.) However, in Sociology, my gpa is 3.81 (it was 3.86 before I got a 3.5 that lowered that gpa.) And, while I still have an interest in history, I definately see myself as more of a futue sociologist than historian. I am hoping to be done with university, with undergraduate level, by the end of August of 2010 and walk in December with a double bachelor in History AND Sociology now (interesting gender play here how its a bachelor's degree........)
I do know that I need some time off after that to figure out what I want to do, what I want to concentrate on, and where I want to go. I also know that I need to work on the next part of my spirituality, working towards my dedication with my menor. And, while she said she understands if I take longer and she'll always be there, which is great, I know life is often about timing. I feel that while working on that, I should work on prepping for the GRE, trying to get in field work, work on my writing skills, and focus on narrowing the scope of what I want to do.
I am considering being a sommunity college professor in Sociology, Sociology of Religion (if that's in community college), and World Religion... but maybe World History too. Although, my underestimating myself may be why I see myself at community college instead of a professor at university. I have also looked at programs in the East Coast, which is closer to where my friend/mentor is that interest me.
I am definately worried about finances for this way. I have been funded through college my whole way, which I am grateful for.... it just makes it harder to do it my way. I don't know if I wouldn't be funded at all, or not as fully funded by my dad if I went my way, but I know its the right thing to do. I feel the next 5-8 years will be more difficult, but for the long run in my life, I will be happier and make a bigger impact. I also know that I should work on the next step with my spirituality and furthering myself in that regard.
It's really only been within the last week that I began looking online at graduate programs, so at least I'm hopeful that it may be possible for me to get in somewhere and futher myself.
Passively aggressive; Dominate subordination. What starts as intimacy turns into an unspoken war. It should not be a struggle over power or over territory Nor about possession verses submission. It should be about exploring and reciprocation; Not gaining new territory for ourselves. Where do we draw the line of battle between affection and control?
I value who you are too much to only see you as my sub. And, taking initiative does not mean I am controlled. It does not make you my dom. It does not make me passive or mean that I wear unseen chains.
I should not have to feel I must turn off the lights Because I have lost the fight with my own self image When you still see me as more beautiful than the skewed mirror My self perception shows. Going down does not make me feel beneath you. Being on top does not mean that I have “won.”
Sex should be a dance; not a battle. It is not about being on the top or on the bottom. It is about coming together….. as one.
The High Priestess is a card of intuition, instinct and hidden knowledge. She knows all your secrets, you can hide nothing from her. Yet you will never know the secrets she herself protects.If well aspected in a Tarot spread, this card can indicate the use of intuition to solve problems; trust to your instincts. If badly aspected, it can mean suppression and ignoring of such instincts - following your head at the expense of your heart.
I used to not like Tool at all. But, this song is definately growing on me.....
I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away Mildewed and smoldering. Fundamental differing. Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.
I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over. To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication
The poetry that comes from the squaring off between, And the circling is worth it. Finding beauty in the dissonance.
There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away. Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any Sense of compassion Between supposed lovers
