Weblog
Sunday, 03 February 2013
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poem: Life Control
You march for life in Washington each year
But would you march with Martin Luther King Jr.
If he were still here?
In theory, maybe, but how bout reality?
Is this pro life is this just pro birth?
Do you count numbers or look at life’s worth?
Tell me, is this pro life or life control?
You say abortion kills but let’s take toll
Because you support the death penalty
Say all deserve life but not your money
Say your taxes should not support welfare
That we should fear universal health care
Won’t help me, cause to you, I’m just a whore
But, then you are fine supporting these wars?
Be it body or soul, I still murder
But you eat meat and wear leather and fur?
But it is not just about life you see
But of love, lack thereof, and quality
You keep me under glass ceilings
Because your mind stays as dense as brick walls
It seems the victims get less rights than criminals
A fetus gets more rights than me
If I even have any left at all
Damned if I do, no matter what I do
Because I am eternally your Eve
I am to blame and keep taking the fall
Monday, 28 January 2013
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rap song or poem Dying to Fit In (I may change the name and some lines later)
Sometimes I look to the stars and wonder
Yeah I, begin to cry and I wonder
If they remember Karen Carpenter
They must think they’re God to take her thunder
How they took spirit and her fire
How they made her walk upon that wire
Feared falling from freedom, jumping too far
From those who tell us this is who you are
One of the greatest singers lost her voice
And life as they buried her soprano
Spitting on her grave as they made the choice
Broke down Britney and Demi Lovato
Play doctors but can’t diagnose your self
When the ones who are sick aren’t me, but you
You must look in that mirror and get help
Instead of me or stars we look up to
(Chorus)
The same people who say to love our self
Tell us we are nothing and hurt our health
Why do you want to keep us so thin?
Do you fear our strength, the women within?
So holding us down was all you could do
To keep us in your shadows, beneath you
Laughed at Mariah and then Christina
Said it was drugs or anorexia
And then it happened to Lady Gaga
As we the tabloids and magazines
And watch the video on TMZ
Saying her songs should be named Porker Face
And Papparazi need the wide lens out
So go on, yeah go ahead, tell those kids!
While we tell them that they are worthless
Not to become bullies, or be afraid
That they can become anything they want
When you don’t mean a damn thing that you say
The countless excuses for real writers
Make their money yet none will know their name
As woman after woman gets whiter,
Thinner, blonder, and are still put to shame
(Chorus)
So what becomes stronger, my loving me
Or my hating myself for what I see?
I will not starve myself or purge myself
Or worship your false image; hurt myself
Hate myself as I slowly kill myself
Won’t take those pills myself, or drink your shakes
To fit inside the mold of your dream weight
While you fill my head with your nightmares
Haunting my thoughts and killing my daydreams
Dreams to design my own line or to act
It’s been almost 20 years in this fight
Me against my body, darkness vs. light
But I will not surrender, will not kneel
Or take it as you say your lies are real
Now, the only time I bow is to pray
Not to porcelain or for what you say
(Chorus)
Friday, 14 September 2012
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poem: Tick Tick, Tock
Tick, tick, tick tock,
Tick tock, goes the clock,
The heart that beats within
Is it biological?
Yes, but not in the way you might perceive
Change me, shape me, and try to deceive,
Well you can try, at least
To make me feel I am beneath the rest
And that I am sinking down,
Become an archaic form,
And formless all the same
Whether I am a "true" or a "real" woman,
Or a human being, with any purpose at all,
Does not rely upon what or how many lives I create,
But, how many I help grow and transform
The same holds true
As I approach thirty,
When I reach forty,
And beyond the threshold,
I am still a woman,
I am still me,
And, beyond all of this,
I still beat.
My clock is not the when or where,
The who I will or will not meet.
And I do not believe in falling,
Only feeling her ancient arms, enclosing me with her wings
And her sacred earth below
Her paths before me, as they weave, and continue to change,
And the footprints and the fantoms of myself,
That I leave behind as they become one with her secrets
For others to learn from and to leave behind within my own
No matter how old I become, or withered I begin to feel,
I will still feel the tick, tick... tock,
For my heart will still beat
That same beat
At times, quicker
At times, with more pauses
But, it will beat steadily, all the same
If I feel old, if I feel young,
If I feel anything at all,
I will feel it within, and it will be a story
And a rhythm that is my own.
And, no matter where I go,
Who I will or will not be with,
I am still with Her and she will be
Within me, without me,
I never walk alone
Thursday, 31 May 2012
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poem: Intimacy (Breaks Away)
It starts with one small lie
One that you tell yourself
That you will never grow apart
You will be there, no matter what
And, you can bear anything
Together and apart
Until one day, you wake up
And you know you cannot return to dreams
And relive that first kiss
Or all that came before
And, it hits all at once
Though it all took years or months
That same cute laugh or crooked smile,
The way they trace their lips
Or how they stroke your hair;
These things that drew you in
And got inside your head
Become like shrieking chalkboards
In the back of your mind
First, you do anything
To find time together, to find a way
Now, you do anything
Just to break away
And, what tears you up
And pierces the heart
Is that no matter how near you get,
And often the closer you are,
To where you feel each other’s heartbeats
You still see their smirks, their tears,
And everything between
Through any distance, and in the dark,
You still know that the closer you are,
You still could not feel any further apart

Thursday, 03 May 2012
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Depressed and wanting an escape, from myself
I know I have a lot to be thankful for and going for me. I just can't explain when I get down, especially lately. My cycle has also been out of whack, leading to more mood problems. Most people want an escape from their job, surroundings, or something else. I want an escape from myself, but can't. Since I was little, I felt so out of place (which only got worse now in my 20s), and like a nuisance or burden. When I was 11, I remember part of why I starved myself was feeling I did not deserve to eat. I am hoping to get help with my new bcp. My depression is especially bad at night where I find myself crying and hating myself the most. At times, I don't know why I am so down, but I just hooe to get better.


